The following is a blog post about my little girl written in 2017 when she was 6 –
It’s a new year, a terrifying year that my little girl turns 7! I have been watching her in awe for 6 years and really couldn’t be much prouder of her. She is a little philanthropist, always trying to help people whether it be to raise money for a children’s charity by completing a challenge or giving away all her dollies to Potter’s House, she strives to save people and make people happy.
Today I bought her some new running clothes so we can start running again (new year, new us and all that). I watched her prance around in the the Lycra leggings and crop top with unicorns on and to my utter horror she sucked in her tummy to make it flat. Her lovely, totally in proportion little round tummy that is totally ok and normal at only 6 years old. What on earth has made her think it would be better if it were flat?
A few months ago she told me she thought she was ugly after losing two teeth and I was horrified then too.
I know how to promote kindness within my children, I know how to ensure they understand boundaries and rules and I tell them regularly how proud I am of them at the things they have achieved. I tell them they are beautiful and I tell them (ok while squeezing and holding on for dear life) that I love them more than is even comprehensible. This has caught me on the back foot though! I really don’t know how to make her feel the way I want her to feel. I don’t want to make the situation worse by having a conversation with her and giving her even more food for thought. I don’t want to question why she is feeling the way she does in case it hasn’t occurred to her that she was feeling any particular way. Any advice is welcome by the way!!
We are looking at British Values after our break, this will give me the opportunity to make our preschoolers think about the things that make them special and I’m hoping that while I’m doing my thing, the answer will come to me about Maggie as well.
I’m all about promoting kindness and consideration of others, self worth and self esteem and embracing our differences but it’s a long process and needs to be consistent.
I bought Maggie some Lottie dolls for Christmas. An alternative to Barbie, Lottie has a normal body shape for a child. She comes with outfits so that she can become virtually any profession to instil ambition in little girls to become anything they wish.
I’m hoping she will begin to feel a bit more confident this year and will be doing all the research I can to find out ways to help her along the way.
We don’t always know all the answers and nobody has ever expected us to but society makes us feel as if we should be perfect parents, our children should be perfect children and our houses spotless. Well right now, my washing basket isn’t empty and there’s washing up to be done, my children are in bed but not asleep and I’ve shouted at them more than I’m comfortable with today.
But we’re trying and if we can set an example and show them that while we might not be perfect, we try our best and that’s what matters.
Today, 6 years later I’ve taken my little girl to the GP’s surgery to have a consultation about her mental health. She’s not quite 12 and I’m having to digest and process that she might not be ok at the moment and she might need a bit of extra help.
Anxiety in children isn’t always obvious. It doesn’t always present immediately and even the most tuned in and present parents might not know instantly what it looks like. And it’s different for each child, it presents differently and has different triggers.
For Maggie it has crept up on us. For months now she’s been having irrational worries at bedtime. She goes to bed seemingly absolutely fine and then half an hour later she’s up and crying uncontrollably because she’s convinced the house is going to burn down or be burgled or that her blocked nose will mean she stops breathing in her sleep. All things that definitely aren’t going to happen. Initially I was getting cross with her viewing her behaviour as attention seeking and telling her to go to bed and stop being silly. The more it happened the more I started to see a pattern. Last night she was worried about something that had happened at school, she says she wasn’t because she hadn’t processed it all yet. She didn’t want her dinner and said she had a tummy ache. Half an hour (like clockwork) after I said goodnight she threw up. It was actually my husband who recognised the anxiety in her was presenting as sickness and left us alone to talk. I explained how our brains are all wired differently and how sometimes things happening in our brains can make our bodies feel funny. I tried to relate to her and explain my own irrational fears and thoughts so she knew she wasn’t alone and then we ordered some things to support her night time worries.
Today, I called the GP and she was seen by a YES therapist. YES is the Youth Emotional Support service for West Sussex aimed at children from 11-18 looking for support with their emotional well-being. She saw a therapist who gently explained our feelings and asked her a serious of questions about her feelings. She then referred Maggie to have some additional support and talk to someone about anything she wants.
If you’re worried about your child’s emotional well-being or mental health it’s really simple and you can self refer using the link below –
For more advice, please book a consultation.
makinconnections.co.uk 